anxiety/scenes/act4.md

# act4

h: Sigh.

h: You were right.

h: I *was* being an idiot, my so-called friends *were* using me, and we almost fucking *died*.

// h: I *was* being an idiot, my so-called friends *were* using me, and I almost jumped off a fucking *roof*.

[Yeah, not to mention the hospital bill.]()

// [Not to mention the damage you did to your liver.]()

[Yeah, that *was* the worst-case scenario.]()

[Yeah, I was right.]()

# act4a_bill

h: Right. I don't think my health insurance covers "being a dumbass".

b: And it doesn't cover "literally being dead"! Which we could've been!

(#act4b)

# act4a_liver

b: We definitely shaved a few years off our life expectancy...

b: But... at least we still *have* a life expectancy!

(#act4b)

# act4a_worst

b: And yet...

h: Hm?

b: ...and yet, we survived.

(#act4b)

# act4a_right

b: But... you were right, too.

h: Hm?

b: I *was* the wolf who cried wolf. I kept barking at nothing, so when *actual* danger came, you didn't believe me.

b: The worst possible danger did, in fact, happen.

h: ...

b: ...

b: And yet, we survived!

(#act4b)

# act4b

b: That could have gone so much worse! But it didn't. We're still here.

// b: We were *this* close to actually dying! But we didn't. We're still here.

h: We're still here.

b: And we don't have to fight.

(...5000)

b: I'm not a Big Bad Wolf. But I'm not a guard-wolf either.

b: I'm a battered shelter dog.

b: We've been through some rough stuff in life, so that's why whenever I sense the slightest danger I over-react and go--

b: YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP

b: But I don't *want* to be a cowardly dog! I want to protect you! I want to be a good dog!

b: Human... will you help tame me?

h: I...

h: ...don't know how.

h: But we can fake it until we make it.

h: Okay. So, I'd like to have a healthy relationship with my negative emotions... and healthy relationships need good communication. So, let's communicate.

h: Dear inner wolf... how are *you* feeling?

n: YOUR TOTAL FEARS USED:

n: //info

n: WHAT DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT FIRST? (YOU CAN TALK ABOUT THE OTHERS LATER)

[I'm scared we'll be harmed.]()

[I'm scared we'll be alone.]()

[I'm scared we're bad people.]()

# act4_harm
 
// b: news story, fire exit, serial killer, sedentary, w/e

b: ...God, there's so many dangerous things in the world!

// b: I dunno, what do *you* think, human?

[You're right. So how can we better defend ourselves?]()

[I'm not so sure. Let's try small experiments?]()

[Thank you.]()

# act4_harm_skills

b: Well... I *do* have claws & fangs, but I'm just a metaphor for the fight-flight circuit in your brain.

h: We could take a self-defense class? Try improving our general health? Learn to better assert our boundaries of what we feel safe with?

b: Maybe, but...

[Where do we even start?]()

[What if they still don't work?]()

[What if we go overboard on "safety"?]()

# act4_harm_skills_start

b: There's so much to do, so much we need to fix about ourselves. What do we even *begin* with?

h: We're beginning right now.

b: Eh?

h: I mean, we're practicing good communication right now. And if that works, we can detect danger better with fewer false positives... and *does* help protect us from harm!

h: This *is* self-defense training.

b: Huh. I was expecting more of this:

(HI YAAAA)

h: Heh.

# act4_harm_skills_work

h: True, there's no way to 100% protect ourselves...

h: But even a 1% improvement is still worth something, right?

b: You're seeing the glass as not 99% empty, but 1% full.

h: Which is still worth something if you're stranded in the desert.

b: Heh. Bottoms up, then.

# act4_harm_skills_overboard

b: I mean, the whole reason you ignored my warnings earlier was *because* I went overboard with safety! 

b: I *am* your fear, and now I fear fear itself!

h: Naw, you're right, that's a good point. We have to also do safety in moderation. Everything in moderation.

b: Sorry, *EVERYTHING* in moderation?

h: *A moderate number of things* in moderation.

b: Thank you for making your statements recursively self-consistent.

# act4_harm_experiments

# act4_harm_thanks

# act4_alone

// callbacks

b: Will we be loved? *Can* we be loved?

b: I dunno, what do *you* think, human?
// Again, back to you, human. What do you think?
// Thoughts, human?

[I agree that I'd like to work on our social skills.]()

[I think we're lovable. Let's experiment to find out?]()

[Thank you.]()

# act4_bad

// callbacks

// RETROACTIVE: intrusive thoughts?

b: God, are we just *broken?*

[I don't think so. But let's check that with experiments?]()

[Yes. So how can we start to repair ourselves?]()

[Thank you.]()