# act4 h: Sigh. h: You were right. h: I *was* being an idiot, my so-called friends *were* using me, and we almost fucking *died*. // h: I *was* being an idiot, my so-called friends *were* using me, and I almost jumped off a fucking *roof*. [Yeah, not to mention the hospital bill.]() // [Not to mention the damage you did to your liver.]() [Yeah, that *was* the worst-case scenario.]() [Yeah, I was right.]() # act4a_bill h: Right. I don't think my health insurance covers "being a dumbass". b: And it doesn't cover "literally being dead"! Which we could've been! (#act4b) # act4a_liver b: We definitely shaved a few years off our life expectancy... b: But... at least we still *have* a life expectancy! (#act4b) # act4a_worst b: And yet... h: Hm? b: ...and yet, we survived. (#act4b) # act4a_right b: But... you were right, too. h: Hm? b: I *was* the wolf who cried wolf. I kept barking at nothing, so when *actual* danger came, you didn't believe me. b: The worst possible danger did, in fact, happen. h: ... b: ... b: And yet, we survived! (#act4b) # act4b b: That could have gone so much worse! But it didn't. We're still here. // b: We were *this* close to actually dying! But we didn't. We're still here. h: We're still here. b: And we don't have to fight. (...5000) b: I'm not a Big Bad Wolf. But I'm not a guard-wolf either. b: I'm a battered shelter dog. b: We've been through some rough stuff in life, so that's why whenever I sense the slightest danger I over-react and go-- b: YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP b: But I don't *want* to be a cowardly dog! I want to protect you! I want to be a good dog! b: Human... will you help tame me? h: I... h: ...don't know how. h: But we can fake it until we make it. h: Okay. So, I'd like to have a healthy relationship with my negative emotions... and healthy relationships need good communication. So, let's communicate. h: Dear inner wolf... how are *you* feeling? n: YOUR TOTAL FEARS USED: n: //info n: WHAT DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT FIRST? (YOU CAN TALK ABOUT THE OTHERS LATER) [I'm scared we'll be harmed.]() [I'm scared we'll be alone.]() [I'm scared we're bad people.]() # act4_harm // b: news story, fire exit, serial killer, sedentary, w/e b: ...God, there's so many dangerous things in the world! // b: I dunno, what do *you* think, human? [You're right. So how can we better defend ourselves?]() [I'm not so sure. Let's try small experiments?]() [Thank you.]() # act4_harm_skills b: Well... I *do* have claws & fangs, but I'm just a metaphor for the fight-flight circuit in your brain. h: We could take a self-defense class? Try improving our general health? Learn to better assert our boundaries of what we feel safe with? b: Maybe, but... [Where do we even start?]() [What if they still don't work?]() [What if we go overboard on "safety"?]() # act4_harm_skills_start b: There's so much to do, so much we need to fix about ourselves. What do we even *begin* with? h: We're beginning right now. b: Eh? h: I mean, we're practicing good communication right now. And if that works, we can detect danger better with fewer false positives... and *does* help protect us from harm! h: This *is* self-defense training. b: Huh. I was expecting more of this: (HI YAAAA) h: Heh. # act4_harm_skills_work h: True, there's no way to 100% protect ourselves... h: But even a 1% improvement is still worth something, right? b: You're seeing the glass as not 99% empty, but 1% full. h: Which is still worth something if you're stranded in the desert. b: Heh. Bottoms up, then. # act4_harm_skills_overboard b: I mean, the whole reason you ignored my warnings earlier was *because* I went overboard with safety! b: I *am* your fear, and now I fear fear itself! h: Naw, you're right, that's a good point. We have to also do safety in moderation. Everything in moderation. b: Sorry, *EVERYTHING* in moderation? h: *A moderate number of things* in moderation. b: Thank you for making your statements recursively self-consistent. # act4_harm_experiments # act4_harm_thanks # act4_alone // callbacks b: Will we be loved? *Can* we be loved? b: I dunno, what do *you* think, human? // Again, back to you, human. What do you think? // Thoughts, human? [I agree that I'd like to work on our social skills.]() [I think we're lovable. Let's experiment to find out?]() [Thank you.]() # act4_bad // callbacks // RETROACTIVE: intrusive thoughts? b: God, are we just *broken?* [I don't think so. But let's check that with experiments?]() [Yes. So how can we start to repair ourselves?]() [Thank you.]()