anxiety/scenes/act4.md

# act4

```
SceneSetup.act4();
_.INJURED = false;
//Game.FORCE_CANT_SKIP = true;
```

(...2001)

`publish("outside-hong", ["walk"])`

(...2001)

`publish("outside-hong", ["eat"])`

(...2001)

`publish("act4-out-1");`

(...2001)

`Game.FORCE_CANT_SKIP = false;`

(#act4b_2)

h: *sigh*

h: So what the hell was the moral of this story?

h: What did I even *learn?* I *was* being stupid, my "friends" *were* using me, and we almost fucking *died*.

{{if _.INJURED}}
[Yeah, not to mention the hospital bill.](#act4a_bill)
{{/if}}

{{if !_.INJURED}}
[Yeah, not to mention the liver damage.](#act4a_liver)
{{/if}}

[Yeah, that *was* the worst-case scenario.](#act4a_worst)

[Yeah, I was right.](#act4a_right)

# act4a_bill

h: Right. I don't think my insurance plan covers "being a dumbass".

b: And yet... we survived!

h: ?

(#act4b)

# act4a_liver

b: We definitely shaved a few years off our life expectancy...

b: But at least we still *have* a life expectancy! We survived!

(#act4b)

# act4a_worst

b: And yet...

h: Hm?

b: We survived!

(#act4b)

# act4a_right

b: But... you were right, too.

h: Hm?

b: I *was* the wolf who cried wolf. So when *actual* danger came, you – justifiably – didn't believe me.

b: And yet, we survived!

(#act4b)

# act4b

b: Despite everything, we're still here.

{{if _.INJURED}}
h: You seem pretty calm considering we just had a near-death experience.
{{/if}}

{{if !_.INJURED}}
h: You seem pretty calm considering we just had a *near*-near-death experience.
{{/if}}

b: Well, it makes everything else less scary in comparison. It's also got me thinking.

b: If me fighting you sucks...

h: But me fighting *you* also sucks...

b: Because no matter who wins, we *both* lose, so maybe...

h: Maybe we don't have to fight.

`Game.FORCE_CANT_SKIP = true;`

`publish("smash",[0]);`

(...2001)

`publish("smash",[1]);`

(...2001)

`publish("smash",[2]);`

(...501)

`Game.FORCE_CANT_SKIP = false;`

(#act4b_2)

# act4b_2

b: I'm not a Big Bad Wolf. But I'm not a guard-wolf either.

b: I'm a battered shelter dog.

b: We've been through rough stuff, possibly trauma, so that's why sometimes I over-react and go--

b: YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP

b: But I don't *want* to be a cowardly dog! I want to protect you! I want to be a good dog!

b: Human... will you help tame this wolf?

h: I... I'll try.

h: Okay. Healthy relationship with emotions. Relationships need communication. So, let's communicate.

h: The next five minutes are going to sound super cheesy, but let's fake it 'til we make it.

h: Dear inner wolf... how are *you* feeling?

n2: TOTAL FEARS USED:

n2: *HARMED* 3, *UNLOVED* 4, *BAD PERSON* 2

n2: WHAT FEAR DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT FIRST? (YOU CAN DO THE OTHERS LATER)

```
_.a4_fears_discussed = 0;
_.num_thanks = 0;
```

[I'm scared we'll be harmed.](#act4_harm)

[I'm scared we'll be alone.](#act4_alone)

[I'm scared we're bad people.](#act4_bad)

# act4_harm

```
_.a4_talked_about_harm = true;
_.a4_fears_discussed += 1;
```

b: (insert callbacks to harm-fears you used)

b: Gosh, there's so many dangerous things in the world!

{{if _.a4_fears_discussed==1}}
b: I dunno, what do *you* think, human?
{{/if}}

{{if _.a4_fears_discussed==2}}
b: Again, back to you, human. What do you think?
{{/if}}

{{if _.a4_fears_discussed==3}}
b: More thoughts, human?
{{/if}}

[You're right. So how can we protect ourselves?](#act4_harm_skills)

[I think let's expose ourselves to *more* danger.](#act4_harm_exposure)

[Thank you.](#act4_thanks) `_.thanks_for = "physical safety"`

# act4_harm_skills

b: Well, I have claws, but I'm just a metaphor.

h: We could pick up self-defense? Improve our general health? Learn to assert our boundaries?

b: Maybe, but...

[Where do we even start?](#act4_harm_skills_start)

[What if they still don't work?](#act4_harm_skills_work)

[What if we go overboard on "safety"?](#act4_harm_skills_overboard)

# act4_harm_skills_start

b: There's so much to do, so much we need to fix about ourselves. What do we even *begin* with?

h: We're beginning right now.

b: Eh?

h: I mean, we're practicing good communication right now. And if that works, we can detect danger better with fewer false positives... and *does* help protect us from harm!

h: This *is* self-defense training.

b: Huh. I was expecting more of this:

b: (insert karate chop pose)

h: Heh.

(#act4_something_else)

# act4_harm_skills_work

h: True, there's no way to 100% protect ourselves...

h: But even a 1% improvement is still worth something, right?

b: You're seeing the glass as not 99% empty, but 1% full?

h: Which is still worth something if you're stranded in the desert!

b: Heh. Bottoms up, then.

(#act4_something_else)

# act4_harm_skills_overboard

b: I mean, the whole reason you ignored my warnings was because *I* went overboard with safety! 

h: Naw, you're right. We would want to do safety in moderation. Everything in moderation.

b: Sorry, *EVERYTHING* in moderation?

h: *A moderate number of things* in moderation.

b: Thank you for making your statements recursively self-consistent.

(#act4_something_else)


# act4_harm_exposure

b: *WHAT*

h: I mean, let's say a dog is scared of thunder.

h: One trick trainers use is to play a recording of thunder at a low volume, then give the dog a treat for staying calm.

h: Over several days, the trainer raises the volume bit by bit, until the dog has overcome their fear of thunder.

h: It's called exposure therapy!

h: If it works for *literal* dogs, it should work for you, right?

h: All mammals have the same fight-or-flight response.

[I'm a wolf, not a dog.](#act4_harm_exposure_dog)

[What if we desensitize ourselves *too* much?](#act4_harm_exposure_overboard)

[What if we expose ourselves to *real* danger?](#act4_harm_exposure_hurt)

# act4_harm_exposure_dog

h: And I'll show you kindness and patience 'til you're domesticated into a cute lil' puppy.

b: ...

b: D'aw.

(#act4_something_else)

# act4_harm_exposure_overboard

b: We *just* saw what happens if you shut down your fear – you put yourself in *actually* dangerous situations.

b: Besides, won't *too* much desensitization turn us into psychopaths?

b: Soon we'll give ourselves treats while watching snuff murder porn!

h: I... think there's a line between that and the thunder.

b: But *where*, human?! *Where?*

h: I don't know. But *you* can help me!

h: Working and negotiating with you, we'll find and draw that line.

b: Okay. But I've got no opposable thumbs, so you have to do the drawing.

(#act4_something_else)

# act4_harm_exposure_hurt

{{if _.INJURED}}
b: For example: we jumped off a freaking *roof!*
{{/if}}

{{if !_.INJURED}}
b: For example: we almost jumped off a freaking *roof!*
{{/if}}

h: Nah you're right. One *can* go too far.

h: But that's why, if we do exposure therapy, we'll start small, and make small steps upward.

h: Just before we hit *actual* danger, we stop.

b: Yeah I draw the line between hearing loud thunder, and standing in a storm with a tall pointy hat.

(#act4_something_else)

# act4_thanks

`_.num_thanks += 1`

{{if _.num_thanks==1}}
(#act4_thanks_1)
{{/if}}

{{if _.num_thanks==2}}
(#act4_thanks_2)
{{/if}}

{{if _.num_thanks==3}}
(#act4_thanks_3)
{{/if}}

# act4_thanks_1

b: ...

b: Wait, no arguments for or against what I'm feeling? Just... "thank you"?

h: Yeah! Thank you for showing your concern for my {{_.thanks_for}}.

b: ...

h: You okay?

b: You've never said *thank you* to me before.

h: Aw you big fuzzy-wuzzy panic-wolf.

(#act4_something_else)

# act4_thanks_2

h: Even if you over-react, I appreciate you look out for my {{_.thanks_for}}.

b: Wait... you're not just repeating "thank you" to avoid actually talking about these fears, are you?

h: Well, stuff's complicated, and I don't always have answers ready.

h: It's not like life gives you a list of 3 pre-made dialogue responses.

h: But for now, at least I can at least say thanks.

b: Well, thank you too, for listening to me patiently.

b: You small hairless flesh-mammal.

(#act4_something_else)

# act4_thanks_3

h: Even if your yapping scares me, you're simply trying to protect my {{_.thanks_for}}.

b: Okay, if you keep flattering me like this, the internet's gonna get some weird ideas about us.

h: C'mon, I'm just a vulnerable college-age kid and you're a big, scary wolf. What's the worst that cou--

h: Actually, do not answer that.

(#act4_something_else)




# act4_alone

```
_.a4_talked_about_alone = true;
_.a4_fears_discussed += 1;
```

b: (insert callbacks to alone-fears you used)

b: Will we be loved? *Can* we be loved?

{{if _.a4_fears_discussed==1}}
b: I dunno, what do *you* think, human?
{{/if}}

{{if _.a4_fears_discussed==2}}
b: Again, back to you, human. What do you think?
{{/if}}

{{if _.a4_fears_discussed==3}}
b: More thoughts, human?
{{/if}}

[I agree I'd like to work on our social life.](#act4_alone_skills)

[I think people like us. Let's find out?](#act4_alone_experiment)

[Thank you.](#act4_thanks) `_.thanks_for = "social belonging"`

# act4_alone_skills

h: We could practice skills like starting conversations, sharing interests, asking, listening, empathizing, etc?

h: Or make better social habits, like scheduling hangouts with friends or regularly going to meetups?

h: Could also learn to get more comfortable with rejection.

h: Or learn to know when people aren't rejecting us, they're just tired or have Resting Bitch Face.

b: That's a lot of options, but...

[Isn't learning to be friendly *manipulative?*](#act4_alone_skills_manipulative)

[Won't being friendly make us *easier to manipulate?*](#act4_alone_skills_manipulated)

[What if we try to get better, and still fail?](#act4_alone_skills_fail)

# act4_alone_skills_manipulative

b: Aren't serial killers who can read their victims' emotions great at "empathy"?

b: Didn't Charles Manson win friends and influence people?

h: No, you're right.

h: "Social skills" mean nothing if we don't genuinely care *for* people.

h: Basically, just don't be a dick.

b: That's a motivational poster caption right there.

h: “Don't Be A Dick”

(#act4_something_else)

# act4_alone_skills_manipulated

b: We'll become a Welcome doormat, saying Please and Thank You as people wipe their feet on us!

b: We'll kiss so much butt, it'll look like we're wearing brown lipstick!

h: Nah, you're right. "Social skills" can't be just about pleasing others, it's also got to be about setting *boundaries.*

h: We can't invite others into our home, if we have no walls to hold up a home.

h: Also... that lipstick mental image... *ew??*

(#act4_something_else)

# act4_alone_skills_fail

h: We might fail. Actually, we *will* fail.

h: And that's fine! Failing is how anyone learns anything new at first!

h: So let's fail our way forward together, yeah?

b: Sure... worst-case scenario we can just skip town and get a fake identity.

b: I think that only costs two bitcoins these days.

(#act4_something_else)

# act4_alone_experiment

h: We could try some experiments!

h: We could ping a friend to hang out, reconnect with an old pal, or even just chat with a barista.

h: I think we may find we're more likable than we suspect.

[What if these experiments fail?](#act4_alone_experiment_fail)

[What if these are small, cheap "wins"?](#act4_alone_experiment_cheap)

[What if this is a burden to others?](#act4_alone_experiment_burden)

# act4_alone_experiment_fail

b: What if our results are non-significant (p>0.05) and no journal will publish our null findings?

h: You're right, it *could* fail! That's good! It's not a *real* experiment if it couldn't.

h: And if we learn that we *are* awkward or inconsiderate, then let's improve our social skills.

h: Like starting conversations, sharing interests, listening, empathizing, asking questions...

b: ...all that stuff those counselors told us but then we forgot.

h: Yup.

(#act4_something_else)

# act4_alone_experiment_cheap

b: Saying "hi" to the barista isn't exactly gold-medal performance in the Social Butterfly Olympics.

h: It is for *us!*

h: In the social arena, we're not even featherweight class, we're like... quark-weight.

h: If we have to start with small, cheap wins, so be it. Gotta climb the 1st step before the 1000th step.

b: Yeah! Maybe after saying "hi", we can advance to saying... *"How are you?"*

h: *"Not much!"*

(#act4_something_else)

# act4_alone_experiment_burden

b: Maybe the barista just wants to make some dang coffee, not be an *experiment* to see if our social skills suck.

h: Well, if it turns out we *are* being a burden...

h: ...that's good to know, too!

h: We can then learn how to pro-actively ask people what they're comfortable with, knowing and respecting others' boundaries...

b: ...all that "inter-personal skills" crap we keep seeing in counselor brochures.

h: Yup.

(#act4_something_else)



# act4_bad

```
_.a4_talked_about_bad = true;
_.a4_fears_discussed += 1;
```

b: (insert callbacks to bad-fears you used)

b: It just feels like we're so... broken.

{{if _.INJURED}}
b: And don't tell me we're *not* messed up. We jumped off a *roof*.
{{/if}}

{{if !_.INJURED}}
b: And don't tell me we're *not* messed up. We almost jumped off a *roof*.
{{/if}}

{{if _.a4_fears_discussed==1}}
b: I dunno, what do *you* think, human?
{{/if}}

{{if _.a4_fears_discussed==2}}
b: Again, back to you, human. What do you think?
{{/if}}

{{if _.a4_fears_discussed==3}}
b: More thoughts, human?
{{/if}}

[So we're broken. Let's fix us.](#act4_bad_fix)

[So we're broken. Let's accept it.](#act4_bad_accept)

[Thank you.](#act4_thanks) `_.thanks_for = "moral well-being"`

# act4_bad_fix

h: We could slowly build better habits, get our life more in line with what we value,

h: And if needed, we could get professional help – a therapist or counsellor.

h: There's ways to fix us.

[What if we can't fix it all?](#act4_bad_fix_cant)

[What if we fix *too* much?](#act4_bad_fix_too_much)

[We can't afford professional help.](#act4_bad_fix_afford)

# act4_bad_fix_cant

h: Nah, I guess you're right.

h: We can't fix it all.

b: Ahhh I knew it we'll always be broken!

h: But we can at least be *less* broken.

h: Scars heal with time, but they never go away. And that's okay.

b: I guess.

b: Besides, scars are *sexy.*

h: Please do not do that.

(#act4_something_else)

# act4_bad_fix_too_much

b: This feels sick to admit, but... some part of me *wants* to have this disorder.

b: I mean, without it, won't we be *boring?*

b: Without the disorder, won't our art become stale and bland?

b: Without the disorder, won't we be unable to connect with our pals who have the disorder?

b: If we're content with life, will we stop driving ourselves to do great things?

h: ...

h: If we even fear "running out of fears",

h: I don't think we're gonna run out of fears.

b: Oh, yeah! Whew! What a relief!

(#act4_something_else)

# act4_bad_fix_afford

b: "Doc, I'm anxious that I'm paying $100/hr just to hear you say *how does that make you feel?*"

b: "Mm-hmm. And how does that make you feel?"

h: Nah, that's a totally reasonable worry.

h: And it genuinely sucks that mental healthcare isn't affordable for lots of folks.

h: Still, there are some cheap or free options:

h: Support groups, online therapy, student/non-profit health centers...

h: Picking up a free meditation habit, watching videos on evidence-based mental health...

h: Borrowing a library book on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or Acceptance & Commitment Therapy...

h: There's a full list of resources at the end of this game!

b: Well *that* fourth wall didn't last long.

h: Mental well-being is more important than some measly narrative convention.

(#act4_something_else)


# act4_bad_accept

h: I mean, that's what therapists say right? Accept all your emotions, even the negative ones?

b: Wait.

["Accept" as in *give up*?](#act4_bad_accept_give_up)

["Accept" as in *approve*?](#act4_bad_accept_approve)

["Accept" as in *take literally*?](#act4_bad_accept_literally)

# act4_bad_accept_give_up

b: Do you think Martin Luther King would've said, "Shucks we can't sit in the front of the bus, let's just *accept* it?"

b: Why does the Self-Help Industrial Complex think waving the white flag is some *profound wisdom?*

h: I think therapists mean "accept" bad things as in: acknowledging they exist and are hard to change,

h: But not necessarily giving up a commitment to change.

b: Then therapists should say *acknowledge*, not *accept*.

h: Yeah come to think of it, "accept" is really unhelpful.

b: Well, I *acknowledge* that.

(#act4_something_else)

# act4_bad_accept_approve

b: Like it's *good* that we're broken or something? No!

b: All those dang Hollywood screenwriters who romanticize mental illness are full of crud!

b: Having a mental disorder *sucks!* It robs people of *lives!* Why should we "accept" that?!

h: I think therapists mean "accept" our emotions as in: be patient with them.

h: Like how struggling in quicksand makes you sink faster, and the solution is to patiently lie flat...

{{if _.INJURED}}
h: Fighting against you, my fear, lead me to jump off a roof.
{{/if}}

{{if !_.INJURED}}
h: Fighting against you, my fear, almost lead me to jump off a roof.
{{/if}}

h: Instead, the solution is to do what we're doing now – not to fight, but to patiently be with each other.

b: Then they should say *that* instead of some problematic word like "accept".

h: Yeah come to think of it, "accept" kind of sucks.

b: I do not accept "accept".

(#act4_something_else)

# act4_bad_accept_literally

b: But we already *know* you shouldn't take me literally!

b: The whole *problem* is that I want to help you, but I suck at using words to do so!

h: I think therapists mean "accept" your emotions as in: "don't fight or ignore them."

h: To listen to you, work *with* you, but not take what you say as 100% literal truth.

b: Then therapists should say *that* instead of some vague confusing word like "accept".

h: I guess they want to help, but suck at using words, too.

(#act4_something_else)




# act4_something_else

{{if _.a4_fears_discussed==1}}
h: Anyway, anything else you wanna chat about?
{{/if}}

{{if _.a4_fears_discussed==2}}
h: Anyway, anything else on your heavy heart?
{{/if}}

{{if _.a4_fears_discussed==3}}
(#act4_something_else_2)
{{/if}}

{{if _.a4_talked_about_harm!=true}}
[I'm scared we'll be harmed.](#act4_harm)
{{/if}}

{{if _.a4_talked_about_alone!=true}}
[I'm scared we'll be alone.](#act4_alone)
{{/if}

{{if _.a4_talked_about_bad!=true}}
[I'm scared we're bad people.](#act4_bad)
{{/if}

[Nah, I'm good for now.](#act4c_prelude)

# act4_something_else_2

h: Okay, I think we've talked about all our fears now.

b: Yes, there are only three fears.

h: Yup, exactly three.

b: Convenient.

(#act4c)

# act4c_prelude

h: Good chat, team.

(#act4c)

# act4c

`Game.clearText()`

b: ...

h: ...

b: This isn't some *game*, you know.

b: Building a better relationship with your emotions isn't as simple as clicking buttons on a screen.

b: Can we *really* get along, human?

b: Can we *really* act as a team?

h: Well,

a: E-excuse me...

(...1000)

# act4d

a: Would you mind if I sat with you for lunch?

// s: Only psychos sit alone for lunch! Get away from them or they'll hurt you!

// s: Ack, do you know how pathetic we sound? How desperate, how *needy*?

// s: They were enjoying peace and quiet, then we interrupted them! We're such a burden!

a: I- I mean- it's it's okay if not, I just...

[Wait, didn't I see you at the party?]()

[Yeah, of course! Come here.]()

[Ah, sorry, I need some alone time right now.]()

# act4d_recognition

h2: Yeah you saw me have a panic attack and // become an armadillo // commit phone-murder!

h3: Ah! Sorry, didn't mean to put you on the spot!

h2: Just remembering a friendly face, is all.

// s: WAIT THAT *IS* THE PHONE-MURDERER / THE CRYING ARMADILLO! I KNEW IT! THEY'RE A DANGEROUS PSYCHO!

// s: SEE HOW MUCH YOU SUCK AT MAKING FRIENDS?! THE FIRST IMPRESSION YOU MADE IS "WITNESSED MY TRAUMA". YOU SUCK!

// s: AAAHHH YOU MADE SOMEONE REMEMBER A TRAUMATIC EVENT. YOUR MERE PRESENCE HURTS OTHERS.

# act4d_yes

h3: Ah! I don't mean to cause you discomfort!

h2: Just saying, you can sit here if you want to.

// s: THEY'RE BEING TOO FRIENDLY. LIKE TED BUNDY, THE SERIAL KILLER!

// s: THEY'RE JUST ACTING NICE. NO ONE *REALLY* WANTS TO BE YOUR FRIEND.

// s: GAH, YOU ALWAYS MAKE OTHERS FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE! GET OUT!

# act4d_no

h3: Ah! I didn't mean to come off as rude!

h2: It's just that, well, I (almost) jumped off a roof and (almost) killed myself.

h2: Please don't take it as a personal rejection, I just need quiet time to process some emotions.

// s: HOLY CRAP I KNEW IT, THEY *ARE* A DANGEROUS PSYCHO!

// s: YOU'VE BEEN PERSONALLY REJECTED! YOU'LL NEVER BE LOVED!

// s: YOU INTERRUPTED SOMEONE'S EMOTIONAL PROCESSING! NOW THEY'LL BE TRAUMATIZED FOREVER AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!

# act4e

s: RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN

a: (dashes)

h: Huh. Wonder what *that* was about.

h: Anyway, you were saying?

b: Uh, I forget? Something about a team?

h: (shrug)

// problem with "make peace with"

b: Point is, you're trying to teach this old dog new tricks.

b: It *will* take a while. Maybe *years.* And occasionally, I'll slip into my old habits.

b: I'll bark at shadows. I'll scare you with words. I might even show you some intrusive images of... things.

b: I'm sorry! I'm a battered shelter dog! Battered dogs crap on your bed once in a while!

b: But if you're patient with me... and just stay and sit with me...

b: Maybe... maybe you can domesticate this wolf.

(...3000)

[Good dog.]()

[Good human.]()


# act4f

// b: AAAAA YOU'RE STILL BEING ALONE FIFTEEN CIGARETTES AAAAA

```
b: AAAAA YOU'RE STILL NOT BEING PRODUCTIVE AAAAA
b: AAAAA YOU'RE EATING MORE WHITE BREAD AAAAA
```