h: I *was* being an idiot, my so-called friends *were* using me, and we almost fucking *died*.
(...2001)
// h: I *was* being an idiot, my so-called friends *were* using me, and I almost jumped off a fucking *roof*.
`publish("outside-hong", ["eat"])`
// TODO: stuff isn't as scary once you've had that experience
(...2001)
[Yeah, not to mention the hospital bill.]()
`publish("act4-out-1");`
// [Not to mention the damage you did to your liver.]()
(...2001)
[Yeah, that *was* the worst-case scenario.]()
`Game.FORCE_CANT_SKIP = false;`
[Yeah, I was right.]()
(#act4b_2)
h: *sigh*
h: So what the hell was the moral of this story?
h: What did I even *learn?* I *was* being stupid, my "friends" *were* using me, and we almost fucking *died*.
{{if _.INJURED}}
[Yeah, not to mention the hospital bill.](#act4a_bill)
{{/if}}
{{if !_.INJURED}}
[Yeah, not to mention the liver damage.](#act4a_liver)
{{/if}}
[Yeah, that *was* the worst-case scenario.](#act4a_worst)
[Yeah, I was right.](#act4a_right)
# act4a_bill
h: Right. I don't think my health insurance covers "being a dumbass".
h: Right. I don't think my insurance plan covers "being a dumbass".
b: And it doesn't cover "literally being dead"! Which we could've been!
b: And yet... we survived!
h: ?
(#act4b)
@ -32,7 +56,7 @@ b: And it doesn't cover "literally being dead"! Which we could've been!
b: We definitely shaved a few years off our life expectancy...
b: But... at least we still *have* a life expectancy!
b: But at least we still *have* a life expectancy! We survived!
(#act4b)
@ -42,7 +66,7 @@ b: And yet...
h: Hm?
b: ...and yet, we survived.
b: We survived!
(#act4b)
@ -52,13 +76,7 @@ b: But... you were right, too.
h: Hm?
b: I *was* the wolf who cried wolf. I kept barking at nothing, so when *actual* danger came, you didn't believe me.
b: The worst possible danger did, in fact, happen.
h: ...
b: ...
b: I *was* the wolf who cried wolf. So when *actual* danger came, you – justifiably – didn't believe me.
b: And yet, we survived!
@ -66,77 +84,125 @@ b: And yet, we survived!
# act4b
b: That could have gone so much worse! But it didn't. We're still here.
b: Despite everything, we're still here.
// b: We were *this* close to actually dying! But we didn't. We're still here.
{{if _.INJURED}}
h: You seem pretty calm considering we just had a near-death experience.
{{/if}}
h: We're still here.
{{if !_.INJURED}}
h: You seem pretty calm considering we just had a *near*-near-death experience.
{{/if}}
b: And we don't have to fight.
b: Well, it makes everything else less scary in comparison. It's also got me thinking.
(...5000)
b: If me fighting you sucks...
h: But me fighting *you* also sucks...
b: Because no matter who wins, we *both* lose, so maybe...
h: Maybe we don't have to fight.
`Game.FORCE_CANT_SKIP = true;`
`publish("smash",[0]);`
(...2001)
`publish("smash",[1]);`
(...2001)
`publish("smash",[2]);`
(...501)
`Game.FORCE_CANT_SKIP = false;`
(#act4b_2)
# act4b_2
b: I'm not a Big Bad Wolf. But I'm not a guard-wolf either.
b: I'm a battered shelter dog.
b: We've been through some rough stuff in life, so that's why whenever I sense the slightest danger I over-react and go--
b: We've been through rough stuff, possibly trauma, so that's why sometimes I over-react and go--
b: YAP YAP YAP YAP YAP
b: But I don't *want* to be a cowardly dog! I want to protect you! I want to be a good dog!
b: Human... will you help tame me?
b: Human... will you help tame this wolf?
h: I...
h: I... I'll try.
h: ...don't know how.
h: Okay. Healthy relationship with emotions. Relationships need communication. So, let's communicate.
h: But we can fake it until we make it.
h: Okay. So, I'd like to have a healthy relationship with my negative emotions... and healthy relationships need good communication. So, let's communicate.
h: The next five minutes are going to sound super cheesy, but let's fake it 'til we make it.
h: Dear inner wolf... how are *you* feeling?
n: YOUR TOTAL FEARS USED:
n2: TOTAL FEARS USED:
n: //info
n2: *HARMED* 3, *UNLOVED* 4, *BAD PERSON* 2
n: WHAT DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT FIRST? (YOU CAN TALK ABOUT THE OTHERS LATER)
n2: WHAT FEAR DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT FIRST? (YOU CAN DO THE OTHERS LATER)
[I'm scared we'll be harmed.]()
```
_.a4_fears_discussed = 0;
_.num_thanks = 0;
```
[I'm scared we'll be alone.]()
[I'm scared we'll be harmed.](#act4_harm)
[I'm scared we're bad people.]()
[I'm scared we'll be alone.](#act4_alone)
[I'm scared we're bad people.](#act4_bad)
# act4_harm
// b: news story, fire exit, serial killer, sedentary, w/e
b: ...God, there's so many dangerous things in the world!
```
_.a4_talked_about_harm = true;
_.a4_fears_discussed += 1;
```
// b: I dunno, what do *you* think, human?
b: (insert callbacks to harm-fears you used)
[You're right. So how can we better defend ourselves?]()
b: Gosh, there's so many dangerous things in the world!
[I think we should expose ourselves to *more* danger.]()
{{if _.a4_fears_discussed==1}}
b: I dunno, what do *you* think, human?
{{/if}}
[Thank you.]()
{{if _.a4_fears_discussed==2}}
b: Again, back to you, human. What do you think?
{{/if}}
{{if _.a4_fears_discussed==3}}
b: More thoughts, human?
{{/if}}
[You're right. So how can we protect ourselves?](#act4_harm_skills)
[I think let's expose ourselves to *more* danger.](#act4_harm_exposure)
b: Well... I *do* have claws & fangs, but I'm just a metaphor for the fight-flight circuit in your brain.
b: Well, I have claws, but I'm just a metaphor.
h: We could take a self-defense class? Try improving our general health? Learn to better assert our boundaries of what we feel safe with?
h: We could pick up self-defense? Improve our general health? Learn to assert our boundaries?
b: Maybe, but...
[Where do we even start?]()
[Where do we even start?](#act4_harm_skills_start)
[What if they still don't work?]()
[What if they still don't work?](#act4_harm_skills_work)
[What if we go overboard on "safety"?]()
[What if we go overboard on "safety"?](#act4_harm_skills_overboard)
# act4_harm_skills_start
@ -152,29 +218,31 @@ h: This *is* self-defense training.
b: Huh. I was expecting more of this:
(HI YAAAA)
b: (insert karate chop pose)
h: Heh.
(#act4_something_else)
# act4_harm_skills_work
h: True, there's no way to 100% protect ourselves...
h: But even a 1% improvement is still worth something, right?
b: You're seeing the glass as not 99% empty, but 1% full.
b: You're seeing the glass as not 99% empty, but 1% full?
h: Which is still worth something if you're stranded in the desert.
h: Which is still worth something if you're stranded in the desert!
b: Heh. Bottoms up, then.
(#act4_something_else)
# act4_harm_skills_overboard
b: I mean, the whole reason you ignored my warnings earlier was *because* I went overboard with safety!
b: I mean, the whole reason you ignored my warnings was because *I* went overboard with safety!
b: I *am* your fear, and now I fear fear itself!
h: Naw, you're right, that's a good point. We have to also do safety in moderation. Everything in moderation.
h: Naw, you're right. We would want to do safety in moderation. Everything in moderation.
b: Sorry, *EVERYTHING* in moderation?
@ -182,67 +250,104 @@ h: *A moderate number of things* in moderation.
b: Thank you for making your statements recursively self-consistent.
(#act4_something_else)
# act4_harm_exposure
b: WHAT // shock
b: *WHAT*
h: I mean, for example, let's say a dog is scared of thunder. One trick trainers use is to play a recording of thunder at a low volume, then give the dog a treat for staying calm.
h: I mean, let's say a dog is scared of thunder.
h: Over several days, the trainer will raise the volume, and the dog learns to stay calm with louder and louder sounds, until the dog has overcome their fear of thunder.
h: One trick trainers use is to play a recording of thunder at a low volume, then give the dog a treat for staying calm.
h: Over several days, the trainer raises the volume bit by bit, until the dog has overcome their fear of thunder.
h: It's called exposure therapy!
h: If it works for _literal_ dogs, it should work for you, my metaphorical mind-dog. Right? All mammals have the same fight-or-flight response.
h: If it works for *literal* dogs, it should work for you, right?
[I'm a wolf, not a dog.]()
h: All mammals have the same fight-or-flight response.
[What if we desensitize ourselves *too* much?]()
[I'm a wolf, not a dog.](#act4_harm_exposure_dog)
[What if we expose ourselves to a *real* danger?]()
[What if we desensitize ourselves *too* much?](#act4_harm_exposure_overboard)
[What if we expose ourselves to *real* danger?](#act4_harm_exposure_hurt)
# act4_harm_exposure_dog
h: And I'll show you affection and patience 'til you're domesticated into a cute lil' puppy.
h: And I'll show you kindness and patience 'til you're domesticated into a cute lil' puppy.
b: ...
b: D'aw.
(#act4_something_else)
# act4_harm_exposure_overboard
b: We *just* saw what happens if you ignore or shut down your fear – you put yourself in *actually* dangerous situations.
b: We *just* saw what happens if you shut down your fear – you put yourself in *actually* dangerous situations.
b: Besides, won't *too* much desensitization turn us into psychopaths? Soon we'll be giving ourselves treats while watching snuff murder porn!
b: Besides, won't *too* much desensitization turn us into psychopaths?
b: Soon we'll give ourselves treats while watching snuff murder porn!
h: I... think there's a line between that and the thunder.
b: But *where*, human?! *Where?*
h: I don't know. But you can help me! Based on what you're okay with for now, we'll find and draw that line.
h: I don't know. But *you* can help me!
b: Okay. But I have no opposable thumbs, so you have to draw for me.
h: Working and negotiating with you, we'll find and draw that line.
b: Okay. But I've got no opposable thumbs, so you have to do the drawing.
(#act4_something_else)
# act4_harm_exposure_hurt
{{if _.INJURED}}
b: For example: we jumped off a freaking *roof!*
{{/if}}
{{if !_.INJURED}}
b: For example: we almost jumped off a freaking *roof!*
{{/if}}
// b: For example: we jumped off a *roof!*
h: Nah you're right. One *can* go too far.
h: No, you're right. We *can* go too far.
h: But that's why, if we do exposure therapy, we'll start small, and make small steps upward.
h: But that's why, if we do exposure therapy, we'll have to start very very very small, and make very small steps upward.
h: Just before we hit *actual* danger, we stop.
h: When we start hitting *actual* danger, we stop.
b: Yeah I draw the line between hearing loud thunder, and standing in a storm with a tall pointy hat.
b: Yeah I'd draw the line somewhere between hearing loud thunder, and standing in a lightning storm with a tall pointy hat.
(#act4_something_else)
# act4_thanks
`_.num_thanks += 1`
{{if _.num_thanks==1}}
(#act4_thanks_1)
{{/if}}
{{if _.num_thanks==2}}
(#act4_thanks_2)
{{/if}}
{{if _.num_thanks==3}}
(#act4_thanks_3)
{{/if}}
# act4_thanks_1
b: ...
b: Wait, no arguments for or against what I'm feeling? Just... "thank you"?
h: Yeah! Thank you for showing your concern for my physical safety / social life / moral well-being.
h: Yeah! Thank you for showing your concern for my {{_.thanks_for}}.
b: ...
@ -252,192 +357,424 @@ b: You've never said *thank you* to me before.
h: Aw you big fuzzy-wuzzy panic-wolf.
(#act4_something_else)
# act4_thanks_2
h: Even if you over-react a lot, I'm glad you look out for my physical safety / social life / moral well-being.
h: Even if you over-react, I appreciate you look out for my {{_.thanks_for}}.
b: Wait... you're not just repeating "thank you" to avoid actually talking about these concerns, are you?
b: Wait... you're not just repeating "thank you" to avoid actually talking about these fears, are you?
h: Well, feelings are complicated, and I don't always have answers for you.
h: Well, stuff's complicated, and I don't always have answers ready.
h: It's not like life gives you a list of 3 pre-made dialogue responses.
h: But short of a "real" answer, for now, I can at least say thanks for watching out for me.
h: But for now, at least I can at least say thanks.
b: Well, I know I can be full of crud sometimes, so thanks for listening to me – patiently, non-judgmentally.
b: Well, thank you too, for listening to me patiently.
b: You small hairless flesh-mammal.
(#act4_something_else)
# act4_thanks_3
h: Even if your yapping scares me, you're simply trying to protect my physical safety / social life / moral well-being.
h: Even if your yapping scares me, you're simply trying to protect my {{_.thanks_for}}.
b: Okay seriously, if you keep flattering me like this, people are gonna get weird ideas about us.
b: Okay, if you keep flattering me like this, the internet's gonna get some weird ideas about us.
h: Oh come on, I'm just a vulnerable college-age kid and you're a big, scary wolf. What's the worst that cou--
h: C'mon, I'm just a vulnerable college-age kid and you're a big, scary wolf. What's the worst that cou--
h: Actually, do not answer that.
(#act4_something_else)
# act4_alone
// callbacks
```
_.a4_talked_about_alone = true;
_.a4_fears_discussed += 1;
```
b: (insert callbacks to alone-fears you used)
b: Will we be loved? *Can* we be loved?
{{if _.a4_fears_discussed==1}}
b: I dunno, what do *you* think, human?
// Again, back to you, human. What do you think?
// Thoughts, human?
{{/if}}
[I agree that I'd like to work on our social skills.]()
{{if _.a4_fears_discussed==2}}
b: Again, back to you, human. What do you think?
{{/if}}
[I'm sure people like us. Let's find out?]()
{{if _.a4_fears_discussed==3}}
b: More thoughts, human?
{{/if}}
[Thank you.]()
[I agree I'd like to work on our social life.](#act4_alone_skills)
[I think people like us. Let's find out?](#act4_alone_experiment)
h: We could practice – I dunno – starting conversations, sharing common interests, listening, empathizing, asking questions?
h: We could practice skills like starting conversations, sharing interests, asking, listening, empathizing, etc?
h: Maybe try improv or public speaking so we can get comfortable being in front of – and making mistakes in front of – other people?
h: Or make better social habits, like scheduling hangouts with friends or regularly going to meetups?
b: IMPROV IS A CULT // fingerpoint
h: Could also learn to get more comfortable with rejection.
b: But, besides...
h: Or learn to know when people aren't rejecting us, they're just tired or have Resting Bitch Face.
[Won't learning "social skills" make us *manipulative?*]()
b: That's a lot of options, but...
[Won't being friendly make us *easier to manipulate?*]()
[Isn't learning to be friendly *manipulative?*](#act4_alone_skills_manipulative)
[What if we try to get better, and still fail?]()
[Won't being friendly make us *easier to manipulate?*](#act4_alone_skills_manipulated)
[What if we try to get better, and still fail?](#act4_alone_skills_fail)
# act4_alone_skills_manipulative
b: Aren't serial killers who can read their victims' emotions great at "empathy"? Didn't Charles Manson win friends and influence people?
b: Aren't serial killers who can read their victims' emotions great at "empathy"?
b: Didn't Charles Manson win friends and influence people?
h: No, you're right.
h: "Social skills" mean nothing if we don't genuinely care *for* people.
h: But caring for people requires opening up, and opening up *is* a skill that needs to be learnt, and *can* be learnt.
h: Basically, just don't be a dick.
b: Crack us open like a coconut.
b: That's a motivational poster caption right there.
h: “Don't Be A Dick”
(#act4_something_else)
# act4_alone_skills_manipulated
b: We'll become a Welcome doormat, saying Please and Thank You as people wipe their feet on us!
b: We'll kiss so much ass it'll look like we're wearing brown lipstick!
b: We'll kiss so much butt, it'll look like we're wearing brown lipstick!
h: Nah, you're right. "Social skills" can't be just about pleasing others, it's also got to be about setting personal boundaries.
h: Nah, you're right. "Social skills" can't be just about pleasing others, it's also got to be about setting *boundaries.*
h: We can't invite others into our home, if we have no walls to hold up a home.
h: ...also, re: the lipstick mental image... *ew??*
h: Also... that lipstick mental image... *ew??*
(#act4_something_else)
# act4_alone_skills_fail
h: We might.
h: We might fail. Actually, we *will* fail.
h: But, I still wanna give it a shot. If we're going to socially strike out, I'd like to go out swinging.
h: And that's fine! Failing is how anyone learns anything new at first!
b: Yeah I guess worst case we can just skip town and change our identity.
h: So let's fail our way forward together, yeah?
b: I think that only costs half a bitcoin these days.
b: Sure... worst-case scenario we can just skip town and get a fake identity.
b: I think that only costs two bitcoins these days.
(#act4_something_else)
# act4_alone_experiment
h: We could try some experiments!
h: We could ping a friend to hang out, reconnect with someone close to us, or even just strike a conversation with a barista or something.
h: We could ping a friend to hang out, reconnect with an old pal, or even just chat with a barista.
h: I think we may find we're more likable than we suspect.
[What if these experiments fail?]()
[What if these experiments fail?](#act4_alone_experiment_fail)
[What if these are just small, cheap "wins"?]()
[What if these are small, cheap "wins"?](#act4_alone_experiment_cheap)
[What if us being social is a burden to others?]()
[What if this is a burden to others?](#act4_alone_experiment_burden)
# act4_alone_experiment_fail
b: The experiment finds no effect, and scientific journals won't publish our null result! // cry
b: What if our results are non-significant (p>0.05) and no journal will publish our null findings?
h: You're right, it *could* fail!
h: You're right, it *could* fail! That's good! It's not a *real* experiment if it couldn't.
h: It's not a true experiment if it can't fail.
h: And if we learn that we *are* awkward or inconsiderate, then let's improve our social skills.
h: And if it turns out we actually *do* act in awkward or inconsiderate ways, that's good! Then we know we should focus on improving our social skills.
h: Like starting conversations, sharing common interests, listening, empathizing, asking questions... you know...
h: Like starting conversations, sharing interests, listening, empathizing, asking questions...
b: ...all that stuff those counselors told us but then we forgot.
h: Yup.
(#act4_something_else)
# act4_alone_experiment_cheap
b: Saying "hi" to the barista isn't exactly gold-medal performance in the Social Butterfly Olympics.
h: It is for *us!*
h: In the social arena, we're not even featherweight class, we're like... atom-weight.
h: In the social arena, we're not even featherweight class, we're like... quark-weight.
h: If we have to start with small, cheap wins, so be it. We gotta climb the 1st step to get to the 100th step.
h: If we have to start with small, cheap wins, so be it. Gotta climb the 1st step before the 1000th step.
b: Yeah! Maybe after saying "hi", we can advance to saying... *"how are you?"*
b: Yeah! Maybe after saying "hi", we can advance to saying... *"How are you?"*
h: *"Not much!"*
(#act4_something_else)
# act4_alone_experiment_burden
b: Like maybe the barista just wants to make some dang coffee, not be an *experiment* to flatter our ego.
b: Maybe the barista just wants to make some dang coffee, not be an *experiment* to see if our social skills suck.
h: Well, if it turns out we *are* being a burden...
h: ...that's good to know, too!
h: We can then learn how to better read others' emotions, pro-actively ask people what they're comfortable with, knowing and respecting others' boundaries...
h: We can then learn how to pro-actively ask people what they're comfortable with, knowing and respecting others' boundaries...
b: ...all that "inter-personal skills" crap we keep seeing in counselor brochures.
h: Yup.
(#act4_something_else)
# act4_bad
// callbacks
```
_.a4_talked_about_bad = true;
_.a4_fears_discussed += 1;
```
// RETROACTIVE: intrusive thoughts?
b: (insert callbacks to bad-fears you used)
b: God, are we just *broken?*
b: It just feels like we're so... broken.
[Yes. So how can we start to repair ourselves?]()
{{if _.INJURED}}
b: And don't tell me we're *not* messed up. We jumped off a *roof*.
{{/if}}
[No. And we can try small tasks to prove it.]()
{{if !_.INJURED}}
b: And don't tell me we're *not* messed up. We almost jumped off a *roof*.
Nicky Case