13 KiB
// TODO: CUT TO 2000 words (SANS CODE)
act2
SceneSetup.act2();
n: party words party words party words
n: // callback: retweet news story, or subtweet, or Tinder serial killer (or: fallback - anxiety in general)
publish("act2-out-1");
So let's talk about the meaning of life.
act2a_social
b: They're secretly gossiping about you!
publish("act2-in-2");
b: They're talking behind your back IN FRONT OF YOUR BACK
b: We're just bringing this party down by being around here. Human, we have to leave now before--
(#act2b)
act2a_perv
b: // pokemon?
b: They're more attractive than you, which means if you so much as look at them,
b: then YOU'RE A CREEP
b: A creepy, crappy, pervert terrible terrible creepazoid bad bad bad cree--
(#act2b)
act2a_meaning
b: What can we possibly do that matters in the grand scheme of things?
b: Even if we somehow change the course of humanity, all of humanity will die one day.
b: Humanity dies, the sun dies, the entire universe dies, what the hell are we supposed to--
(#act2b)
act2b
b: ...
b: Hey, can... can you hear me?
b: ...
b: GASP
I must warn you about a different moral/social danger!
Human, you're ignoring danger! That's dangerous!
act2b_louder
b: // decide...
act2b_louder_social
b: EMOTIONS ARE CONTAGIOUS! SO IF YOU DON'T LEAVE YOU'LL INFECT EVERYONE WITH YOUR MENTAL ILLNESS!
b: You'll create a deadly outbreak of SAD LUMP SYNDROME
b: We need to get out of here and quarantine ourselves forever in a small room with Netflix and food delivery!
(#act2c)
act2b_louder_perv
b: DON'T BE A CREEP. IT'S AGAINST THE LAW!
b: Creep Law, Section 74.5: (1) Any Person who checks out (a) that sweet ass (b) those ripped arms (2) shall be hereby referred to as
b: "A BIG DISGUSTING TRASH PERVERT"
(#act2c)
act2b_louder_meaning
b: BUT YOU KNOW WHAT'S WORSE THAN HAVING NO IMPACT? HAVING ALL THE IMPACT.
b: Alfred Nobel wanted world peace, and for cultures to understand each other. So he decided to make travel easier. So he needed a way to cheaply create train tunnels. So he invented a new material called "dynamite"...
b: ...which was used in World War I to KILL MILLIONS OF PEOPLE
b: IT'S THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT, HUMAN! HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE YOU ACCIDENTALLY KILLING RIGHT NOW
(#act2c)
act2b_different_social
b: Actually, you know what's worse than no-one liking you? Everyone liking you.
b: That is, if you become like one of these shallow party animals. A shallow life with shallow friends who only know the shallow you!
b: Human, we need to get away from these dopamine zombies before they turn us into one of them!
(#act2c)
act2b_different_moral
b: People are dying in famines and genocides right now and you're just partying!
b: A wise person once said, "the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good folks to do nothing."
b: YOU'RE DOING NOTHING.
b: BY PARTYING, YOU'RE HELPING HITLER.
(#act2c)
act2b_ignore
b: You think you're safe just because you took the batteries out of the carbon monoxide detector?
b: You won't smell the monoxide coming! You'll just get sleepy and then you'll--
b: DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
(#actbc)
act2c
b: ...
b: Oh thank goodness human, I think you can hear me again!
I'll warn you about (yet) another moral/social danger!
Wait, did you check that punch before drinking it?
#act2c_louder
// 6 possibilities
act2c_louder_netflix
b: Actually, is Netflix and food delivery quarantined enough?! We'd still infect the delivery person!
b: We need to move out to the middle of the Canadian Yukon territories, and have our food delivered to us by drone!
b: And then they'd have to sterilize the drone after each use to rid it of your SAD LUMP GERMS
act2c_louder_law
b: The BIG DISGUSTING TRASH PERVERT shall be sentenced to no less than five (5) years in one of those medieval public-humiliation things where people throw rotten fruit at them
b: unless they're actually into that sort of thing
b: in which case that further proves them being a BIG DISGUSTING TRASH PERVERT
act2c_louder_butterfly
b: BUTTERFLY EFFECT! Did you drive to this party in your fossil-fuel car?
b: BAM, ONE KID DROWNED IN FLORIDA.
b: Remember that time you said that mean thing to that stranger?
b: BAM, THEY'RE PROBABLY SUICIDED BY NOW
(#act2d)
act2c_louder_zombies
b: These popularity-zombies will stumble towards you mumbling,
b: LIIIIIKES. LIIIIIIIIIIKES.
b: And they'll bite you and turn you into a brainless bro and/or thoughtless thot!
(#act2d)
act2c_louder_hitler
b: THE NAZIS ARE GOOSE-STEPPING BACK ON THE STREETS RIGHT NOW
b: And they're saying:
b: Good thing those 'good folks' slacked off with crap like 'relaxing' and 'self-care'!
b: Now our plans can go fourth, reich on schedule!
(#act2d)
act2c_louder_ignore
b: Come to think about it, do we know if this building has a monoxide detector?!
b: What if we're all being poisoned RIGHT NOW?
b: WE WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW. ONE MOMENT WE'RE HERE, NEXT MOMENT WE STOP EXISTING FOREVER AND EVER AND EV--
(#act2d)
act2c_different_social
b: What if we're just fundamentally incapable of ever being loved, or loving another?
b: What if something irreversibly broke inside of us a long time ago? Or what if that something never existed in us in the first place?
b: Oh god we're broken! We're so broken so broken so brok--
(#act2d)
act2c_different_moral
b: What if we're just fundamentally rotten? Other people have a strong inner drive to do goodness, but we only do "good" out of guilt or shame, if at all.
b: What if it's in our nature to hurt others? What if we can't be anything other than a burden to those close to us?
b: Oh god we're broken! We're so broken so broken so brok--
(#act2d)
act2c_punch
b: Like, I'm not being irrational here. People do actually drug in punch bowls. That is an actual danger.
b: Human, is your head hurting? Do your limbs feel limp? I think we're dying. We need to call an ambulance RIGHT NOW.
b: HUMAN, WE'RE DYING. WE'RE DYING WE'RE DYING WE'RE DYI--
(#act2d)
act2d
h: FUCK!
h: FUCKING FUCK-FUKKITY FUUUUUCK
b: Oh thank goodness, human! I'm so glad you can finally hear me again!
b: Why did you try ignoring me?
h: Holy whoring hell, you stupid sack of shit.
h: You know that Native American story? "There are two wolves inside you, one is hope, one is despair. Which wolf wins? The one you feed."
h: I was trying to fucking starve you, you sadistic asshole.
h: Fuck it, I'll do positive affirmations instead.
h: I am loved. I am good. I am smart. I am beautiful. I am special.
You know "affirmations" were disproven, right?
Golly, human, you're becoming a narcissist!
ohmygod you can't just credit every "wise" story to Native Americans
act2d_disproven
b: In fact, they actually backfire for people with low self-esteem!
b: It was a well-designed study – randomized controlled trial, experimenter was blinded as to who was in which group. Here's what they found. If you already had low self-esteem, being asked to repeat affirmations makes you feel worse than if you'd said nothing at all!
b: Wood et al, 2009. Look it up on Google Scholar, human,
b: THEN STOP SPREADING UNSCIENTIFIC FAKE NEWS
(#act2e)
act2d_narcissist
b: You need to humbly see your own flaws in order to grow as a person!
b: You can't spray air freshener over a moldy room! Covering up your flaws with these narcissistic statements will make you worse in the long-run.
b: Thankfully, I, as your loyal guard-wolf, can alert you to your flaws. And right now, it's-
b: EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING IS WRONG
(#act2e)
act2d_racist
b: Native Americans are, like, actual people, not a bunch of "noble savages" you can namedrop to make your fortune-cookie advice sound more exotic.
b: You're reducing individual persons & complex cultures to a Hallmark card! That's "benevolent racism", human!
b: STOP BEING RACIST YOU SQUINTY-EYED JERK
(#act2e)
act2e
h: FUCKDAMMIT.
h: You know what? You're irrational.
h: Everyone already knows emotions are irrational! Especially fear!
h: Why should I listen to a moron shitstain like you?!
b: ...
...Jeez human. That's really hurtful to say.
Human, I'm in your brain. We're equally rational.
Wait, what happened to "your feelings are valid"?
act2e_hurtful
b: I'm part of you, you know. When you say that, you're hurting yourself.
b: Why are you hitting yourself, human? STOP HITTING YOURSELF.
(#act2f)
act2e_rational
b: Which means if I'm irrational, then you're irrational!
b: And if we're both so dumb and stupid, we'll never figure out how to be happy! Oh god we're so lost! So lost so lost so los--
(#act2f)
act2e_valid
b: So "they" say that emotions are irrational, that emotions are not to be trusted.
b: But "they" also say that feelings are valid, that you should always accept your emotions.
b: Maybe "they" are just full of crap! "They" have fed hurtful lies to you your whole life!
(#act2f)
act2f
h: ...
h: I hate this. God, it hurts so much, I hate this.
h: I can't appease you. I can't ignore you. I can't fight you.
h: No matter what I do, I can't seem to get rid of yo--
b: Well maybe you're NOT SUPPOSED TO GET RID ME.
b: Jeez, how do you think I feel, human?!
b: I'm trying my best to be your guard-dog, but you keep seeing me as some Big Bad Wolf!
b: So I try even harder to alert you to danger. More danger! Louder danger! But no matter how hard I try, you still think of me as your enemy!
b: Sure, I raise false alarms sometimes. Maybe even most of the time!
b: But I'm trying, human.
b: ...I'm trying.
// TODO: MORE EXPLICIT LESSON. "BE PATIENT WITH ME".
b: ...Would it hurt for you to just sit with me for a while, instead of running away by distracting yourself wi--
c: Hey.
c: It seems like you're caught up in an argument with yourself.
h2: (nods)
c: You're not alone, kid. Anxiety is super common.
c: Heck, just yesterday, I heard someone on campus had a nervous breakdown and smashed their phone / curled up into a ball and cried!
h2: ...huh imagine that.
c: That's why I host all these parties. I want to help people be happy.
h2: ...but my anxiety...
c: Don't worry, buddy. There's actually a very simple trick to get the negative voices in your head to be quiet forever.
(...2000)
c: (gives bottle)
c: Heads up, it's a lot stronger than... anything, really.
c: Enjoy!
(...2000)
We don't know what's in that drink.
act2g
// interrupt
h: Mmm, what an exquisite palette!
h: A rich flavor of "shut your mind up", with an aftertaste of "don't feel anything ever again".
b: This is bad. Human, this is really, really bad.
This is literally how addiction starts.
They could've put something bad in that drink.
I knew the host had some terrible neurosis.
act2h
h: Not just delicious, but also cheaper than therapy!
b: GOD HUMAN STOP
h: Hehehe!
h: And what are you gonna do about it, asshole?
b: I'm so sorry, human.
b: I'm going to have to use my SPECIAL ATTACK
act2h_attack
h: What's this crap?
h: You're gonna yap more stupid words at me again to try t--
act2i
h: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT
b: I'm sorry. It was the only way.
h: I COULD SEE IT. I COULD FEEL IT. // the blood, the guilt, the humiliation
b: I'm sorry, human.
n: [FINISH THEM]
{FIGHT: Punch that jerk host.}
{FLIGHT: Let's get out of here.}
act2j_fight
// all the minor callbacks
b: They were taking advantage of you, a scared vulnerable human.
b: Punch that asshole. Knock their fucking lights out.
b: PUNCH THEM PUNCH THEM PUNCH THEM PUNCH THEM PUNCH THEM PUNCH THEM PUNCH THEM PUNCH THEM PUNCH THEM PUNCH THE--
act2j_flight
// all the minor callbacks
b: God, I knew it. The host and all these partygoers are full of neuroses. They dull their pain with distraction.
b: And they're trying to trick you into doing the same thing! They're corrupting you! We need to get out!
b: GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OU--
act2k_fight
h: (punch)
c: Y-you...
c: ...are kinky.
c: I like that. You're invited to my party next weekend.
h: ok thank you bye
c: I wanna see you let out that vicious side of you more, kid!
(...1000)
act2k_flight
h: ok sorry i have to go
c: Ah, the voice was too strong, huh?
c: Come to my party next weekend. I promise I'll mix something even stronger for you.
h: ok thank you bye
c: I wanna see you finally let loose, kid!
(...1000)
act2k_end
b: Human! Are you okay?!
b: God, that was close. We really could've--
h: (slam)
h: I'm going to the party next weekend.
h: The next time we fight, I'm not just going to defeat you...
h: ...I'm going to fucking kill you.
(...5000)