// TODO: CUT TO 2000 words (SANS CODE) # act2 `SceneSetup.act2();` n: party words party words party words n: // callback: retweet news story, or subtweet, or Tinder serial killer (or: fallback - anxiety in general) [Oh god they all hate you!](#act2a_social) [Ogling the host, you pervert?](#act2a_perv) [So let's think about *the meaning of life*.](#act2a_meaning) # act2a_social b: They're secretly gossiping about you! b: They're talking behind your back IN FRONT OF YOUR BACK b: We're just bringing this party down by being around here. Human, we have to leave *now* before-- (#act2b) # act2a_perv b: // pokemon? b: They're more attractive than you, which means if you so much as *look* at them, b: then YOU'RE A CREEP b: A creepy, crappy, pervert terrible terrible creepazoid bad bad bad cree-- (#act2b) # act2a_meaning b: What can we possibly do that matters in the grand scheme of things? b: Even if we somehow change the course of humanity, all of humanity will die one day. b: Humanity dies, the sun dies, the entire universe dies, what the hell are we supposed to-- (#act2b) # act2b b: ... b: Hey, can... can you hear me? b: ... b: GASP [I must warn you *louder!*](#act2b_louder) [I must warn you about a *different* moral/social danger!](#act2b_different) [Human, you're ignoring danger! That's dangerous!](#act2b_ignore) # act2b_louder b: // decide... # act2b_louder_social b: EMOTIONS ARE CONTAGIOUS! SO IF YOU DON'T LEAVE YOU'LL INFECT EVERYONE WITH YOUR MENTAL ILLNESS! b: You'll create a deadly outbreak of SAD LUMP SYNDROME b: We need to get out of here and quarantine ourselves forever in a small room with Netflix and food delivery! (#act2c) # act2b_louder_perv b: DON'T BE A CREEP. IT'S AGAINST THE LAW! b: Creep Law, Section 74.5: (1) Any Person who checks out (a) that sweet ass (b) those ripped arms (2) shall be hereby referred to as b: "A BIG DISGUSTING TRASH PERVERT" (#act2c) # act2b_louder_meaning b: BUT YOU KNOW WHAT'S WORSE THAN HAVING NO IMPACT? HAVING *ALL* THE IMPACT. b: Alfred Nobel wanted world peace, and for cultures to understand each other. So he decided to make travel easier. So he needed a way to cheaply create train tunnels. So he invented a new material called "dynamite"... b: ...which was used in World War I to KILL MILLIONS OF PEOPLE b: IT'S THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT, HUMAN! HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE YOU ACCIDENTALLY KILLING RIGHT NOW (#act2c) # act2b_different_social b: Actually, you know what's worse than no-one liking you? _Everyone_ liking you. b: That is, if you become like one of _these_ shallow party animals. A shallow life with shallow friends who only know the shallow you! b: Human, we need to get away from these dopamine zombies before they turn us into one of them! (#act2c) # act2b_different_moral b: People are dying in famines and genocides *right now* and you're just partying! b: A wise person once said, "the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good folks to do nothing." b: YOU'RE DOING NOTHING. b: BY PARTYING, YOU'RE HELPING *HITLER*. (#act2c) # act2b_ignore b: You think you're safe just because you took the batteries out of the carbon monoxide detector? b: You won't smell the monoxide coming! You'll just get sleepy and then you'll-- b: DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE (#actbc) # act2c b: ... b: Oh thank goodness human, I think you can hear me again! [I'll go (even) *LOUDER!*](#act2c_louder) [I'll warn you about *(yet) another* moral/social danger!](#act2c_another) [Wait, did you check that punch before drinking it?](#act2c_punch) #act2c_louder // 6 possibilities # act2c_louder_netflix b: Actually, is Netflix and food delivery quarantined enough?! We'd still infect the delivery person! b: We need to move out to the middle of the Canadian Yukon territories, and have our food delivered to us by drone! b: And then they'd have to sterilize the drone after each use to rid it of your SAD LUMP GERMS # act2c_louder_law b: The BIG DISGUSTING TRASH PERVERT shall be sentenced to no less than five (5) years in one of those medieval public-humiliation things where people throw rotten fruit at them b: unless they're actually _into_ that sort of thing b: in which case that further proves them being a BIG DISGUSTING TRASH PERVERT # act2c_louder_butterfly b: BUTTERFLY EFFECT! Did you drive to this party in your fossil-fuel car? b: BAM, ONE KID DROWNED IN FLORIDA. b: Remember that time you said that mean thing to that stranger? b: BAM, THEY'RE PROBABLY SUICIDED BY NOW (#act2d) # act2c_louder_zombies b: These popularity-zombies will stumble towards you mumbling, b: LIIIIIKES. LIIIIIIIIIIKES. b: And they'll bite you and turn you into a brainless bro and/or thoughtless thot! (#act2d) # act2c_louder_hitler b: THE NAZIS ARE GOOSE-STEPPING BACK ON THE STREETS RIGHT NOW b: And they're saying: b: *Good thing those 'good folks' slacked off with crap like 'relaxing' and 'self-care'!* b: *Now our plans can go fourth, reich on schedule!* (#act2d) # act2c_louder_ignore b: Come to think about it, do we know if this building _has_ a monoxide detector?! b: What if we're all being poisoned *RIGHT NOW?* b: WE WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW. ONE MOMENT WE'RE HERE, NEXT MOMENT WE STOP EXISTING FOREVER AND EVER AND EV-- (#act2d) # act2c_different_social b: What if we're just _fundamentally incapable_ of ever being loved, or loving another? b: What if something irreversibly broke inside of us a long time ago? Or what if that something never existed in us in the first place? b: Oh god we're broken! We're so broken so broken so brok-- (#act2d) # act2c_different_moral b: What if we're just _fundamentally rotten?_ Other people have a strong inner drive to do goodness, but we only do "good" out of guilt or shame, if at all. b: What if it's in our nature to hurt others? What if we can't be anything _other_ than a burden to those close to us? b: Oh god we're broken! We're so broken so broken so brok-- (#act2d) # act2c_punch b: Like, I'm not being irrational here. People _do_ actually drug in punch bowls. That is an actual danger. b: Human, is your head hurting? Do your limbs feel limp? I think we're dying. We need to call an ambulance RIGHT NOW. b: HUMAN, WE'RE DYING. WE'RE DYING WE'RE DYING WE'RE DYI-- (#act2d) # act2d h: FUCK! h: FUCKING FUCK-FUKKITY _FUUUUUCK_ b: Oh thank goodness, human! I'm so glad you can finally hear me again! b: Why did you try ignoring me? h: Holy whoring hell, you stupid sack of shit. h: You know that Native American story? "There are two wolves inside you, one is hope, one is despair. Which wolf wins? The one you feed." h: I was trying to fucking _starve_ you, you sadistic asshole. h: Fuck it, I'll do positive affirmations instead. h: *I am loved. I am good. I am smart. I am beautiful. I am special.* [You know "affirmations" were disproven, right?](#act2d_disproven) [Golly, human, you're becoming a narcissist!](#act2d_narcissist) [ohmygod you can't just credit every "wise" story to Native Americans](#act2d_racist) # act2d_disproven b: In fact, they actually _backfire_ for people with low self-esteem! b: It was a well-designed study – randomized controlled trial, experimenter was blinded as to who was in which group. Here's what they found. If you already had low self-esteem, being asked to repeat affirmations makes you feel *worse* than if you'd said nothing at all! b: Wood et al, 2009. Look it up on Google Scholar, human, b: THEN STOP SPREADING UNSCIENTIFIC FAKE NEWS (#act2e) # act2d_narcissist b: You _need_ to humbly see your own flaws in order to grow as a person! b: You can't spray air freshener over a moldy room! Covering up your flaws with these narcissistic statements will make you worse in the long-run. b: Thankfully, I, as your loyal guard-wolf, can alert you to your flaws. And right now, it's- b: EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING IS WRONG (#act2e) # act2d_racist b: Native Americans are, like, _actual people_, not a bunch of "noble savages" you can namedrop to make your fortune-cookie advice sound more _exotic_. b: You're reducing individual persons & complex cultures to a Hallmark card! That's "benevolent racism", human! b: STOP BEING RACIST YOU SQUINTY-EYED JERK (#act2e) # act2e h: FUCKDAMMIT. h: You know what? You're _irrational._ h: Everyone already knows emotions are irrational! Especially fear! h: Why should I listen to a moron shitstain like you?! b: ... [...Jeez human. That's really hurtful to say.]() [Human, I'm in your brain. We're equally rational.]() [Wait, what happened to "your feelings are valid"?]() # act2e_hurtful b: I'm _part_ of you, you know. When you say that, you're hurting _yourself._ b: Why are you hitting yourself, human? STOP HITTING YOURSELF. (#act2f) # act2e_rational b: Which means if _I'm_ irrational, then _you're_ irrational! b: And if we're both so dumb and stupid, we'll never figure out how to be happy! Oh god we're so lost! So lost so lost so los-- (#act2f) # act2e_valid b: So "they" say that emotions are irrational, that emotions are not to be trusted. b: But "they" _also_ say that feelings are valid, that you should always accept your emotions. b: Maybe "they" are just full of crap! "They" have fed hurtful lies to you your whole life! (#act2f) # act2f h: ... h: I hate this. God, it hurts so much, I hate this. h: I can't appease you. I can't ignore you. I can't fight you. h: No matter what I do, I can't seem to get rid of yo-- b: Well maybe you're NOT _SUPPOSED_ TO GET RID ME. b: Jeez, how do you think _I_ feel, human?! b: I'm trying my best to be your guard-dog, but you keep seeing me as some Big Bad Wolf! b: So I try even _harder_ to alert you to danger. More danger! Louder danger! But no matter how hard I try, you _still_ think of me as your enemy! b: Sure, I raise false alarms sometimes. Maybe even most of the time! b: But I'm _trying_, human. b: ...I'm trying. // TODO: MORE EXPLICIT LESSON. "BE PATIENT WITH ME". b: ...Would it hurt for you to just sit with me for a while, instead of running away by distracting yourself wi-- c: Hey. c: It seems like you're caught up in an argument with yourself. h2: (nods) c: You're not alone, kid. Anxiety is super common. c: Heck, just yesterday, I heard someone on campus had a nervous breakdown and smashed their phone / curled up into a ball and cried! h2: ...huh imagine that. c: That's why I host all these parties. I want to help people be happy. h2: ...but my anxiety... c: Don't worry, buddy. There's actually a very simple trick to get the negative voices in your head to be quiet forever. (...2000) c: (gives bottle) c: Heads up, it's a lot stronger than... anything, really. c: Enjoy! (...2000) [Oh god.](#act2g) [Please don't do this.](#act2g) [We don't know what's in that drink.](#act2g) # act2g // interrupt h: Mmm, what an exquisite palette! h: A rich flavor of "shut your mind up", with an aftertaste of "don't feel anything ever again". b: This is bad. Human, this is really, really bad. [This is literally how addiction starts.]() [They could've put something bad in that drink.]() [I *knew* the host had some terrible neurosis.]() # act2h h: Not just delicious, but also cheaper than therapy! b: GOD HUMAN STOP h: Hehehe! h: And what are _you_ gonna do about it, asshole? b: I'm so sorry, human. b: I'm going to have to use my SPECIAL ATTACK []() []() []() # act2h_attack h: What's this crap? h: You're gonna yap more stupid words at me again to try t-- # act2i h: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT b: I'm sorry. It was the only way. h: I COULD *SEE* IT. I COULD *FEEL* IT. // the blood, the guilt, the humiliation b: I'm sorry, human. n: [FINISH THEM] [{FIGHT: Punch that jerk host.}]() [{FLIGHT: Let's get out of here.}]() # act2j_fight // all the minor callbacks b: They were taking advantage of you, a scared vulnerable human. b: Punch that asshole. Knock their fucking lights out. b: PUNCH THEM PUNCH THEM PUNCH THEM PUNCH THEM PUNCH THEM PUNCH THEM PUNCH THEM PUNCH THEM PUNCH THEM PUNCH THE-- # act2j_flight // all the minor callbacks b: God, I knew it. The host and all these partygoers are full of neuroses. They dull their pain with distraction. b: And they're trying to trick you into doing the same thing! They're corrupting you! We need to get out! b: GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OU-- # act2k_fight h: (punch) c: Y-you... c: ...are *kinky*. c: I like that. You're invited to my party next weekend. h: ok thank you bye c: I wanna see you let out that *vicious* side of you more, kid! (...1000) # act2k_flight h: ok sorry i have to go c: Ah, the voice was too strong, huh? c: Come to my party next weekend. I promise I'll mix something even stronger for you. h: ok thank you bye c: I wanna see you finally let loose, kid! (...1000) # act2k_end b: Human! Are you okay?! b: God, that was *close.* We really could've-- h: (slam) h: I'm going to the party next weekend. h: The next time we fight, I'm not just going to *defeat* you... h: ...I'm going to fucking *kill* you. (...5000)